irony

Sitting quietly in the corner of the room,

slowly everything starts coming back to me,

that feeling,the tightness in my heart,the rush of adrenaline,like falling in love,like finally realizing ive moved on,like seeing the calm after the storm, finding the solution to all of my problems....

unfortunately this can never be requited...

ive lost it,

i really did,

this love of mine is not mine,

how can it ever be mine?

im different,

im not capable,

I feel so stupid...

am i really lost?

Ive tried soul searching,

looking deep into myself,

19 years just doesnt spell much,

but why is it at this moment,

i start to realize i wasnt lost all along...

i feel like kicking myself in the kidneys.

i should just slap myself and call it a night T_T

Adventure

Now that I have ended college/school life,
life is not that predictable anymore,
i dont know what to expect anymore,
the roads are getting blurrer and blurrer the more steps i take forward,
and every step i move forward makes me feel as if i have to forget and let go of everything in the steps behind,(but i cant and i dont wanna let go ;( )
It shouldnt be a bad thing, to... you know, move forward,
it should be exciting,
an adventure.....?

from now on all big decisions i have to make will dictate what sort of life ill end up living,
will i make a difference?
will i suceed?
will i be happy?
I really do want to say yes to every one of these questions but then again in reality it is quite impossible???


Anyway im blogging from my new laptop ahahahah YAY!! this is my first laptop ever......
I can finally play some games?!ahahahaha THE SIMS!
Today,
I sent off my friend,
his the third to go....;(
pretty sad seeing everyone leave....
And omg i havent been blogging in awhile,
recently i went to Taiwan on early August,
it was a great trip but it was damn hot...like death
and I am amaze at how all the Taiwanese ppl can still look so glamorous even with such a julao weather....
for me it was like wakeup looking fresh come out walk around and then i become julao...so oily n greasy.
I walked sooooo much,my converse felt like sandpaper scrapping into my feet n legs auchh...
I always thought converse was the best for long distance walking etc coz u know usually in end of the world movies the characthers are wearing converse muahahahah made me rethink all the decisions i have made in my life wtf
Oh Ya i played paintball too,
and I freaking was hero in the second round ahahahah
although i was 'camping' the whole time muahahahahahaah
okla i guess this is all.i should update more often hahaahah so i can keep track of what i have done so far....T_T
oh lastly this is late but yeahhhh!!!I have suceeded in my Alevels 2a*2a!!!YAY....i got a* in law suprise suprise...and becoz i was curious i checked the stats and found out that only 1.1% of students get a* in law ;) so maybe im not that dumb muauahahaha
omg i should stop kthnxbai!!!