Was it losing that made me unhappy,
or was it a loss that tore everything to pieces?
I realized that we are so concern in winning
that it meant the whole world to lose.
Since when does the happiness of another lead to self-condemnation?
Isolating oneself to the corner of unhappiness?
These kinds of things go through the mind of the abused,
or so we believe?
whether it was an outer source or a self-inflicted wound.
I remember having a dream thinking;
why do I limit myself to feel the way I feel about myself through the eyes of another?
how does it justify degrading myself to the point where it was comfortable?!or even funny????
like getting a kick on the shin only to offer my face
how did I even agree to that?
Although it is ridiculous it is crazy the amount of instability that your self-worth goes through.
I remember the exact words how it instantly sliced through every ounce of confidence I had left;
only to be reviewed later on by the right person to prove that it was probably said in anger but who am I kidding the damage has already been done
Strangely enough, I kept promises despite loosing my ability to care;
the conclusion is that life is not lived by merits, but by a single full blown mistake being rubbed in your face for the entirety of your life.
I know it may have existed,
but knowing you,
it probably was just a really bad dream.
*ignorance intensifies*
