Happy birthday to you

Hmmm I had a strange dream.

I still remember the first time we met.  

I still remember that night when everything felt perfect. It was as if life knew what would happen and life decided to leave me with a perfect memory of you, of us? Way way way before everything fell apart.

Sometimes memories come into my head most of them good - times that we enjoyed wasting which was not a waste at all.

I know you probably tried and I guess I did too. 

I know it was a dream but somehow it felt real. Thanks for understanding. I'll try to understand your perspective as well. 

Yeah my friend was right I don't know what value does a wish mean at this point or if there is any value at all to keeping in contact...that's pretty sad though but I guess it is life.

It is a bad day not a bad life. 

Ahhh Pandemic

 I had a 30min pep talk with myself where I told my bear to write that down. 

It was cathartic. 

One of these days you'll miss your train
and come stay with me
We'll have drinks and talk about things
and any excuse to stay awake with you

strange

Happiness Is Ephemeral.

Why does it seem like I am the only one who understands this?
Trying not to take things for granted it seems as though I have become a monster?
But I thought it is meant to be like that?

Happiness Is Ephemeral.

Is this not why?

If it is so easy for you? Why is it not easy for me?

The more I try to empathise and understand, the more I find reasons to believe that that is all just lies.
I thought your supposed to give it your all.
But I guess I forgot to keep score.
Always ready to break. I guess no one will every understand.

Hey K

Why does it feel familiar?
Hope you are feeling better out there doing things that are worthwhile. I will try to love you harder because that is the only thing that matters.
I want to love you so hard that no one else can hurt you.
I guess that takes a lot of effort.
But I can tell you I am trying
ok not trying instead let us just keep going on like this
to becoming better,
to better days.